The bitch has arrived! Click the title to read the new Terrible Tale!
So, this is my third entry in the Terrible Tales anthology, and I am going to take a break from the story telling biz for a minute. And get back to work on BEEEBOOOOOOOO!
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Just checking in, how has your summer been? Oh, how lovely. Beaches and brews. Fuckin' killer. I mean, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. What a sweetheart. Real salt of the earth. She had a real good run though, and not the worst way to go either. You gotta look on the bight side. I mean, it sounds like it was painless. A nice, painless death, that's all you can really hope for at that age. I mean, y'know, we're not getting any younger, especially the old and decrepit. Right? Ok, hey, calm down, I didn't mean any disrespect. But let's face it, she was probably getting a little loopy anyway. She was in a lot of pain, living in filth. Smelling herself, regrets. It's just sad you can't wrap your head around the fact that she's better off now. You know, we're not all here to be supporting characters in your universal drama, existing eternally to spare you from having to cope with loss or change. Maybe you need to develop an expanded appreciation for the beauty of the entire circle of life. Well, hey man, if you're gonna get all sensitive about it then fuck you. No, fuck you. And fuck your dead grandma.
The next story is coming soon, it is in the final stages of refinement. It's about the day Richard Speck found a magic talking hat in the woods. I won't spoil the rest, but things take an awful unexpected turn for the worse.
Still working on Beebo 12 as well. It's going, but it's going slow. I've decided to release it in parts and hope to release the first part by the end of this year. But you know what they say, wish in one hand, shit in the other, piss on the floor, spit in your hair, jump out the window, burn all your clothes, drink all the bleach, run into traffic, headbutt a cop.
And hey, follow me on instagram @dukespookies
We're all very excited about Beebo part 12, but I can't just yammer on about that shit every week. Trust me, I'm still hard at work. But Murder Foot is much more than Beebo!
Ladieses and gentlemanses, I present to you...
I plan on releasing illustrated short horror stories on the site monthly! If you enjoyed my previous work I promise you'll enjoy these terrible tales! You might say to yourself "well horror fiction isn't MY cup of tea". To you, sir or madam, I say FUCK YOUR TEA, YOUR TEA SUCKS!
Look, it's horror, but it's still funny. Give it a shot. Let me know what you think. If you can't read, at least look at the pictures!
Some might argue that it only makes sense to sell branded merchandise once that particular brand has been presented with some form of context, and that you have some evidence there's humans who possess even the slightest interest in supporting or promoting the ideas that brand represents. Nonsense, right? That's why I've taken the liberty to produce the first run of Murder Foot t-shirts!
Thanks to some hands on education from Qualia Vector Lab I am able to present to you these high quality, gourmet, limited edition, ergonomic, 100% cotton shirts. They were designed and hand screen printed by myself.
I don't want to get overly scientific but it is a very interesting series of chemical processes. First, you have to coat the metal screen thing in some pinkish, mauve shit. You let that thing sit while you print out your design on some see-thru shit. You put the screen with the mauve shit and the print on the see-thru shit over a bright ass light that hardens all the mauve shit that isn't covered by the ink on the see-thru shit. Then you take the screen and hose it down. The hardened portion of mauve shit stays on the screen in the exact shape of the design printed on the see-thru shit, that way the ink passes through in the shape of your design. Then you clamp the screen down into a big metal fuckin' thing that keeps your shit straight when you press it down onto your shirts or whatever. You flop a big mess of ink goop onto the screen and smear it over the screen, then smoosh a squeegee over the screen onto your shit a couple times. You blast the printed ink with some hot ass light to bake it in (you gotta bake that shit or you're just gonna have a wet mess on your shit that gets everywhere, it's all very scientific) and then you do that 30 times in a row til you run out of shirts. Then you sell them.
Great stories, be they in book, movie, animation or any other form, are constructed around great moments. Hollywood understands that if Sarah Conner has a happy long waitress life and evil robots keep their chrome asses in the shitty future, then there is nothing to discuss. If Schwarzenegger shows up on a motorcycle to give that waitress an abortion with a shotgun, now we have some disbelief worth suspending. Everything that happens on film exists to set up and enhance the cool parts, and the cool parts tend to be someone fucking up the parts that preceded them. Whether Dalton is being forced to rip a man's throat out or Marsellus Wallace is receiving an unorthodox prostate examination, engaging stories have to do with individuals responding to the death and destruction of normalcy. In American cinematic tradition, this usually translates to literal death and destruction, often in the form of violent explosions.
I have reached the first of several ambitious sequences I have planned for BEEBO part 12. It is a complete departure from anything that has ever occurred in the series, utilizing 3D animation and VFX compositing to make a particularly grotesque and shocking moment into something...particularly grotesque and shocking. As much as I’ve looked forward to executing the complicated shot, I have been stuck here for some time. In order to get the ball rolling, I have begun by creating traditional pre-production artwork. Since I’m doing all this myself (and it’s fucking Beebo) it probably isn’t fully necessary that I plan this out to the degree that I am. In a way I see it as a form of procrastination, but pre-production is an immense help if you truely want to make something that lives up to your intentions. It lets you plan, test, correct, experiment and evolve before the real execution. Plus you end up with some lovely concept imagery to flash around.
The character (nameless, I’ve just been calling him Arena Fight Slave) is going to be modeled, rigged, animated and rendered with some secondary dynamic simulations (the blood geyser, torn flesh and miscellaneous viscera). I have a rough idea of what I want to do and I may incorporate some compositing trickery to make up for anything that I either can’t figure out or that my machine can’t process.
I’m pretty happy with the way this is all lining up but there is a lot of shit to do. I've worked out a schedule based on some conservative estimations on how long this shit might reasonably take me to do. The way I've figured it, I should be done with this sequence by the end of Summer. Then by October I should be onto page 3 of the screenplay. Page 3 of 8.
If you found your way here, you either know me or you know my work. In either case, I imagine you’ve heard of BEEBO. He’s a cat, he’s purple, he smokes, he has facial hair, sometimes he has super powers and sometimes he is the recipient of egregious physical abuse. I began the animation series in 2001, during my second year of high school. At that point I was part of a small collective of online culture ninjas who fought under the Godfart.com banner. I had previously had success with some critically lauded games like African Detroit Cop, but that shit took a lot of time to make. I wanted to make much faster shit in order to promote the Godfart clan, so we could gain the favor and blessings of the peoples in our bloody artistic crusade to transcend poetry and express supreme unrelenting ecstasy.
For a teen with no formal training, I think I did alright. The animation, the design, the audio, the dialogue and story have always been rough (super rough) but never complete chaos. Beneath the scribbly veneer there was a consistent quality. Beebo had certain standards and whether you liked it or thought it was overrated shit, it did take work and the work took time. As the series went on and grew in popularity, I felt a necessity to improve the quality and complexity of the animation, taking it from low grade to low grade plus. In my pursuit of somewhat less mediocrity the episodes took increasingly more and more time. The more time the episodes took to complete, the more time I decided to spend drinking and smoking myself into alternate universes where work did not exist. This pattern continued for years, disappointing fans even beyond the life of Godfart.com itself, rendering the series both pointless and irrelevant.
It was nearly 3 years ago that I wrote the script for Beebo part 12. I never used to write scripts for the series. I used to crank these fuckers out, making it all up as I went along. However, I didn’t want to just make another episode. I wanted to do something better while retaining the perfunctory charm of the episodes that preceded it. I wanted to make something that could be interesting and even visually impressive to a wider audience, not just the undiscerning jackanapes I was used to entertaining. I also paid for an education at a big fancy college and have a desire to exercise some of those skills I invested so much into acquiring. I wanted to take Beebo to the next level. In essence, I wanted to polish a turd.
Shortly after writing Beebo part 12, I enlisted the voice talent of some gracious and skilled volunteers to act it out. That’s right, the whole shebang-a-bang is recorded and ready to go. In fact, to date, roughly 1/4 of the animation is complete. But much like in the past, the enormity of the task at hand has caused me some despair, often times leading me away from the desk and back to the bottle. Lately, however, I have made a greater effort to find gratification in the pursuit of personal betterment, and eschew the hazy dominion of John Barleycorn.
So what’s the status? Well, I wouldn’t say I bit off more than I could chew, but I’ve done a lot of chewing and there’s a lot more chewing ahead of me. I will continue to post updates here as I make progress. There will likely be spoilers, but it is important to me to try and document and share the project as I go. Given the magnitude of the undertaking and my history of uh, taking me time, there’s a chance that this blog may be the only document commemorating the dream of BEEBO Part 12, what was to be the greatest piece of shit the world would ever know.
I used to make things. I filled sketchbooks. I spent countless hours in MS Paint, which eventually lead to a career as a digital artist. My games and animations became a hit on Newgrounds.com and their success changed the course of my life. It changed the course of many lives. I made friends, and found fans. I even made the news. I was a little famous and a little infamous. I was very proud of both.
I’ve been eating a lot of Cheetos and thinking, damn, I used to be great. But I stopped being great. I was distracted by these damned Cheetos. Who wants to work when you could just rest on your belly like a sunning walrus and suck on your orange fingers. Quitting the lifestyle sounds like a bad deal in the short term, but actually, all this wanton luxuriating has only made me feel worse over time. You see, these intense Cheeto highs are always followed by ever deepening melancholy that can only be sated by the consumption of more Cheetos. It may very well be every man’s dream, but the thrill and ecstasy promised by Chester Cheetah is an empty pursuit that will lead you down a road of heartache. Some of us have to learn the hard way when it’s time to put down the bag, wash the hands and get back to work.
I have been derelict in my responsibilities. I’ve done the world a great disservice by not filling it up with more cat related art and diarrhea humor. It makes me ill to think of the time I wasted over the years, and all the fame and fortune and illegitimate children I could have accrued. I mean, it’s easy to talk a bunch of shit about everything sucking, but at least the hacks are putting the effort in. I’ve just been eating Cheetos.
So I just gotta start putting something out there again, and you need to start paying attention to me again. I think the situation is best described by the following lyrics taken from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ seminal 1991 hit, “Give it Away”.
What I’ve got you’ve got to get it put it in you
What I’ve got you’ve got to get it put it in you
What I’ve got you’ve got to get it put it in you
Reeling with the feeling don’t stop continue
What I mean to say is, I miss feeling like I have a home online. If you like what I do, this blog can be a place for you to check in and see what I’m up to whether it be animation, drawing, tantric kegels or hood rat shit.
I actually have been working on some cool stuff again recently. I will try to update once a week at least and will have something to share soon. Thanks for dropping by, fucko!